She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you had me at cake vodka
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
