best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
