Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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