You just made me feel so damn special
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
