Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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