so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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