i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
do nipples grow back?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
