im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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