I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
