some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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