I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
