Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
