Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
