Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And then he peed in my hair
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
