You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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