i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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