I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
