i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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