hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
