Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
