Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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