he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
