I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
