She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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