I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
