I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
