i permit you to call me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
