It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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