I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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