So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
