so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
