I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
