i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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