Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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