dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm bleeding and have questions
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
