I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I wear drunk well.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
