I accidentally had phone sex last night
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
