she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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