Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
