I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is her dick bigger than yours?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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