My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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