You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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