I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
