Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
