He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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