Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
