Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
