my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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