fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
