The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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