dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They took my balls.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
