6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
