So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
