the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
