The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
