I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
