she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
