It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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