i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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