I must be too annoying 4 u.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
