Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I have post one night stand depression
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