My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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