dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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