dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
